Don't Be A Bottle Of Soda – Be Proactive!

Picture this. You're at a party and a burly guy bumps into you, spilling his Banks beer on your brand new white skirt. Instead of apologizing he gruffly asks, “You blind?” Do you (a) curse him, (b) pour your fruity drink on his nice-looking shoes or (c) calmly walk away and let it go? Chances are you would rather do (a) or (b) but we know those aren't your best options. They would be blind reactions and could exacerbate the situation.

The greatest inventions and innovations were created by people who refused to be thrown around by the circumstances of life. Instead of waiting for a “moment of chance”, they made the effort to find their own opportunities. They were proactive. According to Stephen Covey, author of classic self-help book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, you are proactive when you take conscious control over your life, set goals and work to achieve them. If you make time to be proactive, as opposed to reacting to every event as it happens, you'll soon reap many long-term rewards.

Reactive people, on the other hand, always blame everything on external factors and tend to play the victim instead of taking charge of their life lives. They are out of touch with their core values and “go with the flow” of the people and circumstances surrounding them. As popular blogger Steve Pavlina says, when life is semi-satisfying, they live mostly on autopilot.

Pavlina goes on to say that proactive people are aware of their core values and consciously make key decisions based on these values. They often do things that seem mysterious to reactive people. For instance, a proactive person may quit their seemingly decent job to start their own business.

Who are you?

Covey's son Sean, a world-leading life coach, distinguishes those who are reactive and proactive with an analogy. Reactive people are like a bottle of soda. If life shakes up a reactive person just a little bit, the pressure builds and they explode. Proactive people, however, are more like a cup of water. It doesn't matter how you try to shake that cup of water, there's no fizzing, no pressure. They stay calm and in control. (Think: US President Barack Obama)

So how do you know whether you're reactive or proactive? Reactive people are whiny, easily offended and change only when they have to while proactive people think before they act, are not easily offended, and focus on things they can change, not worrying about things they can't.

Sean claims that your language is a big clue to the type of person you are. Examples of reactive language: “I'll try it”; “I can't”; and “There's nothing I can do.” If you're a proactive person, you're more likely to say things like: “I'll do it”; “There's gotta be a way”; and “Let's look at all of your options.”

How do I change?

The next time you feel your reactive urges rising to the surface, Sean suggests using your “human tools” to help you make decisions. These tools are self-awareness, your conscience, imagination and willpower.

Let's take a look at this scenario. It's Friday, the last day of the school term, and Shauna's having a few of her friends over to 'lime' and watch some DVDs. Her mother ruins everything when she loudly scolds her for her slipping grades in front of everybody. Shauna pauses and decides not to yell obscenities at her mom. Her conscience prevents her from disrespecting her mother.

Next, she looks at the situation objectively. Shauna knows her mother's just worried because she grew up poor and wants her to have a professional career and a better life. Shauna acknowledges to herself that she's been slacking off her school work because she was so afraid of failing that it was easier to not try at all. This process is called self-awareness.

Shauna's mother insists she give an explanation for her poor grades, saying she'll end up cleaning up behind tourists like she does if she doesn't improve. Shauna has already determined that she doesn't want to disrespect her mother; so, using her willpower, she takes a deep breath and tells her in a calm voice that she'll discuss her grades with her after they both cool down and when they don't have any guests. Surprisingly, her mom listens to reason and leaves her alone but not without repeating how angry and disappointed she is.

Her mother's embarrassing tirade infuriated Shauna but it also makes her wonder what she really wants to do with her life. She starts fantasizing about being the head chef at a Caribbean cuisine restaurant. She loves to cook and she knows it would be fun to do that all day with her own staff to manage. Shauna is using her imagination to create new possibilities and visualize her future. Now, she may even have more motivation to focus on her studies.

If Shauna wasn't proactive, what started as an embarrassing situation could have ended in a loud, fruitless confrontation that would have left both parties spewing hurtful language at each other. Instead, Shauna effectively diffused the conflict and gained some insight.

There is hardly a person who is 100 percent proactive but it's better to aim to be that way.

Final words

If there's nothing else you take from this article, just remember: