Self Care Is Not Selfish

Have you ever felt the need to spend time on your own and refused your friends’ invitations to attend events, whether they be fetes, picnics, the movies or house parties, or even to attend church?

Conversely, have you ever found yourself putting aside your need for “me time” in order not to disappoint friends by doing a group activity of whatever kind?

Very often when we indicate that we want time on our own, others may question it, wonder if we are rejecting them for another choice of friends or whether something is otherwise wrong with us.

While attending university abroad, I recall one evening, receiving a telephone call from an acquaintance who was also a student. She reported that she was bored and had been climbing the walls, because her room mate was out for the evening and there was simply nothing to do. She asked me, “How could you possibly live on your own?”

This young woman, whom I will call Shelly, seemed a complete extrovert who thrived on constantly combining her own energy with that of others. She seemed to feel most vital and energized when interacting with others on a seemingly constant basis. She was garrulous, funny, vociferous, and very dramatic and physically engaged when relating experiences and anecdotes to an audience of friends. I was sorry that I never found occasion to ask her whether she ever found value in having “me-time”.

By contrast to Shelly, I was more inclined to be introverted, was capable of attending various events on my own and quite happily enjoy them, although, of course, I loved people and enjoyed the company of friends at other times. Funnily, but not necessarily contradictorily, my best friend during my university years referred to me as an extroverted introvert.

I believe that whatever personality labels we or others around us attach to ourselves, personal time and space are essential to maintaining our mental and spiritual health and overall balance. It is in these moments that we take for ourselves to look after our hearts, minds, spirits, that we actually facilitate the personal growth we need to contribute more to our family, friends, and communities.

Time spent alone allows for reflection wherein we can be honest with ourselves about who we are, including our strengths and weaknesses. In this time, we can chart self-improvement goals and review our progress at the end of each day or week.

Time spent alone allows for relaxation, whether it is through walks, reading, listening to music and benefiting from reflection on melody, lyric, intention, point of view, and creativity….seeing a new dance or movement therapy (exercise) routine in our minds eye and in actuality, as we bring it to life through experimentation and innovation…hearing variations…harmonies…engaging in improvisation….gaining inspiration to bring new songs to be…stories emerging…poems flowing…you are adding to the life-giving, evocative and healing power of the arts. But of course it need not be the arts in a strict sense since art can be found everywhere, including within the sphere of scientific design and even business development, according to the creativity of the approach.

The key point is that alone time allows us to develop and pursue deeply held interests that may possibly vary from those of our circle of friends but have the potential to add value to our lives and even to theirs and others.

In the course of relaxation we may use one or several senses at the same time as we allow ourselves to just be without all kinds of demands to be here or there, with this person or that person, doing this or that activity. We may hear the sounds of nature more clearly, the sound of the rain, we may attend to the nuances of the flavours of new foods, we may enjoy the kinesthetic experience of simply walking as we feel the strength in our limbs and joints and appreciate what they allow us to do.

It is also quite amazing the kind of problem solving that can occur while taking a walk along the beach. Previously conflicting thoughts and ideas finally come together towards the realization of some project and that choice of words needed to bring oil to troubled waters of conflict suddenly comes to mind – incubation and insight.

Think about it! There may be something special and innovative within you waiting to be born if you allow yourself the time and space to go within, to find that seed, nurture it and bring it to fruition. No doubt, it is likely to be a blessing even to those who might initially have had a problem understanding your need for time to nurture the inner you and the wonderful ideas that live there.