Forgiveness: Not Easy But Worth It

In my opinion, there is no harder thing in this world to accomplish than forgiveness. When we think of the abuse we or our loved ones may have suffered at the hands of others, it’s hard to say “I forgive you”.

We can walk around with this in our hearts and our minds for years, thinking we are harming or causing as much pain on them as they did to us. But this is not always the case. “How can my refusing to forgive someone else handicap me?” you may be tempted to ask.

I remind you of these sage words – “unforgiveness is the act of drinking poison and hoping someone else dies”. Oftentimes the person who we refuse to forgive has let go of what they have done and moved on and yet we are still holding them in our minds thinking that our cold shoulder or grudge is hurting them. In fact, it is hurting us. Releasing someone by forgiving them may be great for them, but the benefits for us are way more important.

It's beneficial for you to master the art of forgiveness

First of all, your relationships will be healthier due to your opening your heart. This would lead to a balance, and spiritual and physiological well-being.

Plus there is a health benefit: less hostility and stress in your life would help keep blood pressure manageable, for example.

Do you know why Alcoholics Anonymous and 12-step programmes stress forgiveness for recovering alcoholics and drug addicts? Alcoholism and substance abuse could start from you trying to numb the pain someone else caused you. Holding onto that anger could result in self-destructive behaviours.

Achieving full forgiveness is a commitment which starts by realising the value of letting go of the past. Here are a few steps you can take to begin the process of healing and forgiveness.

1. Reflect – Think of how the action that caused your pain has affected your life. Consider things that you can do NOW to help recover from the effects of that action and get started on the road to healing from the pain and sorrow. If the only thing you can do is shrug and start fresh. Then do it and make room in your life for only positive thoughts and energy.

2. You’re not a victim – Stop seeing yourself as a victim of that person’s agenda. Whether pain was minute or major don’t let that person’s actions have power over your life.

3. Feel compassion – Consider what may have caused the person to act as they did. This may help you develop empathy for them. This is not making excuses for their actions, but it will make it easier for you to wish them the best in their future while clearing your heart to receive the best for yours.

There is no guarantee of reconciliation and there is even no need for it as the offending party may not even accept responsibility. Remember we are not essentially forgiving the other person for his or her sake; we are doing it for our own health and well-being.