Letting Go Of Toxic Friendships

You hope that your loved ones would be encouraging, uplifting, supportive and trustworthy. However, this is not always the case. Some of the relationships that we get involved in drain us emotionally and mentally.

Instead of being trustworthy, these friends are deceitful and fake. Instead of wishing you well and helping you improve, they break you down and discourage you. These relationships are unequal, leaving you being used with no reward. Some friends pretend to be concerned for you but all they do is lead you down destructive paths or belittle you. Any friendship you are in of this type is potentially toxic.

It is crucial for your own personal development that you recognise and root these friendships from your life. While it is often hard to detect toxic friendships, it is equally difficult to end them because it is your best friend, the one you grew up with or view as a sibling. Your friend may be fun and allow you to display a side of yourself that you won’t show anyone else, however, this person is not a genuine friend.

There are several questions you should ask yourself when trying to determine if your friendships are toxic:

1. Does my friend berate or belittle me in private or public?

2. Is there a sense of mutual respect?

3. Can I be honest about my feelings with my friend without fear of reproach?

4. Does my friend take advantage of my good nature, generosity or of our friendship?

5. Does my friend cause me to behave in ways that are foreign to my personality or values?

6. Can I be free to be myself around my friend or do I have to behave differently?

7. Are we loyal to each other?

8. Are there signs my friend is jealous of me?

9. Is my friend there for me?

If your friendship follows the pattern of these questions you may consider letting the relationship end, regardless of the short term pain you may have when letting go of your friend.

Often times we remain in these friendships thinking that eventually it will get better or it has the potential to become a great relationship, or simply for the comfort that comes with knowing someone for a long time. But the long-term negative effects of remaining in such friendships are crippling and it is best to endure short-term pain and loss to ensure our personal growth.

It is best that you try the direct approach for disengaging this friend. Have an honest discussion with them and inform them that you believe the friendship is destructive to both of you. Make it clear to them that at this time for both your growth and development it is best you go your separate ways. Explain to your friend you are not asking him/her to change, you are simply removing yourself from the situation.

After you have walked away from that friendship be very selective with whom you let into your life to avoid falling into that trap of a toxic friendship again.

Even though you have let them out of your life, to facilitate your personal growth forgive them for all they have done to hold you back. This may sound hard to do but holding onto resentment against people is more hurtful to you than it is to them. There is truth to the saying “unforgiveness is the poison we drink, waiting for the other person to die”.

After giving up the toxic friends, you should try to learn how to make new, great friends.