Be Your Own Person In A Relationship

The very thing that makes the freshness of newly found love so exciting causes us to lose our sense of self in a relationship. It’s that time when new couples spend each possible waking moment together and when they are not, they think of each other constantly. Girls become consumed with making their boyfriends happy. This often leads us to become people that we would not recognise or even like. We become docile or chipper and sweet, all to keep each other happy.

This is precisely why some women wake up one day and realise after being with him for so many years that too much of themselves are wrapped up in their partner and his dreams. She who was once a purpose-driven person has not achieved any of her ambitions, not because she lacks expertise, drive or experience, but because she put her dreams on the back burner to advance or support the dreams of her partner.

How can we stop ourselves from falling into this trap of self-deprivation? 

1. First you must realise that no matter how wonderful it feels to merge with your partner, you are not meant to disappear in the relationship. You are to be equal to your partner. If you start to feel that you need to change the fundamentals of who you are, or your partner is criticising you unjustly and asking you to change, this is the time for communication between you and said partner. Let this process be an open one but stress that this is who you are, you are satisfied with yourself and will not change.

2. Always work toward achieving your goals whether they are educational, career or otherwise. Don’t let anyone discourage your attempts at improving yourself or working towards your own advancement. When someone loves you truly they won’t ask or cause you to stop bettering your situation. A recent partner disagreed with my desire to gain an educational qualification that would land me in good stead in my chosen career. I felt that every attempt I made to better myself would have been met with scorn and ridicule, therefore, I ended that relationship. Your course of action may not need to be that drastic, but whatever you do, refuse to compromise on your goals.

3. Take time to be with yourself. Spending time with someone all the time can cause you to lose focus of yourself and your ideals. Therefore, spend time doing things that you have always loved doing. Go to a dance class, shopping, a pampering or gym session, maintain that hobby and keep some time to spend with your family and friends. This way you don’t grow resentful believing that your life is centred around him.

4. Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, keep your hair looking right and well-dressed. This will keep your confidence high and maintain your self-esteem.

5. Last but not least, do not be afraid to voice an opinion that is different from his. Just because you are together does not mean that you have to become a docile yes woman to all he says. Your opinion, religion and ideals are all a part of you that you have a right to. 

We can be in love and be great partners without losing who we are. Many times the man does not want us to lose ourselves either. He was attracted to us the way we were in the first place. We must not pressure ourselves into a position of low self-worth.

So be happy, be in love, but most of all be yourself.