Would An Open Relationship Work For Us?

Dear Lisa Love,

What do you think about open relationships? Do you think they can work? I love my boyfriend but I'm not ready for anything serious. I'm only 18; why should I settle? There are other guys I have my eye on and I'm pretty sure they're interested in me too. I love what I have with my boyfriend but sometimes I wonder about what else is out there. He said he wants to marry me someday and that seems nice but I'm afraid of marrying my first real boyfriend. I think it would be good for both of us if we saw other people at the same time but I'm afraid to tell him.

What do you think I should do?

- Roberta

Dear Roberta,

This is something you should discuss with your boyfriend before you can make a final decision but you must also understand that an open relationship can hurt what you have with him.

When the prospect of an open relationship is a hypothetical situation, you might believe it's something you want but suppose one of you can't handle “sharing” the other with a third person. Suppose he meets someone and you get jealous? He might not be so willing to go back to your original arrangement if he really likes this new girl. Or, conversely, you might have trouble dating other people if he's the possessive type.

There's also the sexual aspect to be concerned about. Are you sexually active? Would you both be sexual active with the other people you might bring into the mix? If you're not careful this could have some health risks, especially the possibility of contracting AIDS and other STDs.

You have to look at many of the possible consequences of having an open relationship before you even suggest this to your boyfriend.

If you think it's possible for you to do this without someone getting hurt, go for it. However, be sure you are not doing this because you are tired of your boyfriend and don't have the courage to dump him. It would be less complicated to break up and move on.

- Lisa Love