Wed, 01/20/2010 - 02:14 — Pauline Neckles

Should I Let Go? When Friends Drift Apart

Jane” and I were so close that people thought we were sisters. Where is our relationship today? We have not spoken to each other in almost six years. We drifted apart over time and eventually just let go of the friendship. Looking back on it I saw a lot of warning signs to the demise of the relationship but I spent over two years trying to hold on to a friendship that was of no benefit to myself or her. Many are caught in a situation like this where they don’t know whether to salvage the relationship or let it go. Kurama Magazine will now seek to present some suggestions to make this decision clearer in your minds.

As people grow older and change, they sometimes drift from long-time friends.

  1. If the friendship kills your spirit let it go. There are some people that affect you to the point that when you are around them you are a different person – someone you don’t recognise or like. They bring out a negative aspect of yourself. It may be best in such a case if the friendship is dying to let it die a slow peaceful death.

  2. If you all can’t overcome jealousy of each other then it may be best to let it go. Sometimes a childhood friend does better than her counterpart and as such jealousy develops. In some cases, a simple chat or series of discussions will cause this to be overcome and the friendship can go on. There are some “friends” who just never let go of their jealousy and it can turn into deep seated resentment. In this case, let your friendship go as your growth will be hampered by being around this sort of resentment and jealousy.

  3. If there is negative competition between you and your friend, this is the sign of an unhealthy relationship. Friends support each other, not compete against each other. If you find that you are always in a competition it is best that you call off the friendship so that you can feel free to grow without worrying that your friend is trying to one-up you.

  4. If the friendship is a low priority to you and/or your friend to the point where the sharing of activities, emotional support or confidences is rare or one-sided, let the friendship peter out. If one or both parties continue to let down the other, and break promises, and if you are now friends or associate with each other out of duty, this is not the basis for a healthy relationship.

  5. If your friend reveals secrets you share with him or her to others that shows a lack of trustworthiness and respect. Trust is the basis of any friendship so if you feel a sense of betrayal then you may consider letting go of that friendship.

The above conditions are not encouraging to those whose friends have drifted away or gotten “cold” as the saying goes. However, there are certain times when the friendship may be reignited.

  1. If this friend shows similar interest in reviving the friendship and has always been trustworthy, supportive and encouraging and the drift has been due to moving to a different area or country, you may be able to hold on to the friendship.

  2. When you still have fun with each other once you are together. The bond is still there effortlessly and as strong as usual.

Whatever the case may be, before you make your decision, consider the costs versus the benefits of keeping or letting go of the friendship. If it is more detrimental to hold on to the relationship, have a discussion with your friend to clear the air calmly but firmly. If you decide to break the friendship, at least you can know you were clear and decisive and open to your friend.

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